Advice on planning a wedding and staying sane.

Ever since I got engaged (actually if I’m honest about 1 year before I got engaged) I’ve been wedding obsessed. Every night I fall asleep with visions of my wedding in my head. My Pinterest board is out of control and I really try not to talk about it all the time, but I’m so excited! However, there has been a few things bothering me about this whole wedding business. It’s wedding season so I thought maybe this would help a good amount of people who are in it right now. This is my list of things that happen once you are engaged and planning a wedding that you didn’t really know or think about before.

1. Everybody and their Mom has an opinion on what is “right” for your wedding. 

I’ve heard the most ridiculous things come out of friends and families mouths that they think are what EVERYBODY thinks. And they aren’t. A friend of mine recently went on a rant about a women she was selling shoes to at her store, the customer was buying white shoes to go to a wedding. My friend apparently thought this was the ultimate in disrespect because she would be wearing white to someone else’s wedding.  She said if someone showed up to her wedding wearing white shoes she would be pissed as would ANY bride. I thought it wasn’t a big deal.The rule of “don’t wear white to a wedding” is a good one to keep to but generally they mean your dress. This is so that no one accidentally thinks you are the bride. You will hear about what is traditional for your entire time leading up to your wedding in an effort to be helpful no matter how much you don’t want a traditional wedding. Another friend of mine is getting married and her mom keeps poo pooing her ideas and being really critical but isn’t paying for the wedding or hosting it. Remember that if they didn’t pay for your wedding, what they think is best isn’t really important. Just smile and nod.

2. Everybody thinks about their part in your wedding as soon as you start talking about it.

I was super excited when I got engaged, I wanted to tell the world and proceeded to do so. But as soon as you start talking about it people want to be involved. I don’t know how many people have offered to help me with planning. Some of my friends even assumed they would be in the wedding. A friend of mine got super excited and actually said to me the other day “You’ll have to help me find a dress!” Lol because that is the very first thing a bride thinks of, what their friend is going to wear to their wedding and helping them find a dress! (sarcasm) Everyone is excited about your wedding and trying to be nice, but just because they say they want to help you plan or want to be in your wedding, or anything like that doesn’t mean you HAVE to take them up on it.

3. Having a small intimate wedding sounds fantastic and easier than a big wedding but in reality it can be harder.

As soon as we got engaged we thought, small intimate wedding at his parents house. But when we got down to the guest list business we realized we had way more family and friends than we thought. Getting a guest list to be 50 people was pretty much impossible. So we’ve been struggling with our guest list basically since day one. If we had planned from the beginning to have a larger wedding and find a venue that would serve that need instead of getting our hearts set on a small wedding in a backyard it may have been easier to plan.

4. All your friends that have been in long term relationships feel the need to tell you about why they aren’t getting married yet and all their plans for when they do.

If it isn’t clear yet when you get engaged you get about a half minute to be heard about it before everyone makes it about themselves. My friend who has been with her boyfriend longer than I’ve been with my fiance immediately called me and told me congrats and within just 3 minutes had gone into why she isn’t engaged and the issues they’ve been having and all the research she has done on how to do a wedding on a small budget, all the locations in the area, deals on Groupon, etc. We aren’t very close friends but yet she felt she just had to tell me all of those things, without considering that me and my fiance are nothing like her and her boyfriend and that the type of wedding I want is completely different from what she would want. But that’s okay because it’s normal to be reminded of your own relationship when someone takes a new step in theirs. Try remember that you were once in the position, where you wanted to be engaged and planning your wedding but just weren’t there yet. Again, smile and nod.

5. It’s all about the Bride.It’s YOUR special day. Oh wait it’s not only about one person, it’s literally about TWO!

I disagree with the habit of making your wedding all about the bride and no one else. This is what creates Bridezillas. Though it’s not all about your friends and family, and it is a special day for you but it’s not JUST about you. It’s about you AND your future husband/wife. Take into consideration what he/she wants just as much as what you want, don’t fight on stuff that really doesn’t matter when it is important to him/her. Also think about how your choices will effect those closest to you like your immediate family and wedding party. They are the ones who have to help you during this thing! There is a reason you want all those people there, because you love them and care about them. Enjoy it with them.

6. The Bridesmaids are there to do things for you. Whatever you want.

This is a continuation of the idea that the wedding is all about the Bride. You’re bridesmaids are not just attendants to you. They are there for you because they love you and you want them to be part of your special day. However, that does not mean you can make them do things they aren’t comfortable doing. This idea creates monsters, people!  I think this is especially important when picking bridesmaids dresses, because no one has fun when they feel like they look awful. When I was in my brothers wedding his wife chose dresses for her sisters without me there, both of her sisters are stick thin. So I had to wear a dress that was best fit on a size 2. I am a size 10. I wasn’t happy about and felt super self conscious all day. While this is important, take it with a grain of salt, you do not have to give in to everything your bridesmaids want either. If you have a bridesmaid that is being difficult for no good reason and making it all about her, feel free to stand up for yourself and what you want in a nice way. If they still won’t get on board the fun train, think about dropping them from the wedding party. You don’t need negative Nancy’s on that day. I think the golden rule applies here really well. Treat your bridesmaids how you would want to be treated.

7. The guest list should be easy, you don’t have THAT many friends and family.

Creating a guest list is probably the most difficult part of a wedding, especially if you have limited space. Start with your immediate family and best closest friends and wedding party. Then move to those you don’t see as often but feel like are still really close to you. Oh wait! We are over our number! And we didn’t even count plus ones. It’s really difficult to tell people who want to come that you can’t invite them. Especially if it’s their first time knowing someone to get married and they are super excited about it because you have talked about it in front of them. Some of my younger friends simply don’t know the rules yet. The first wedding I went to, I certainly didn’t know the etiquette and didn’t even bring a gift. So lay it out clearly for friends and family that you are having only a certain amount of people and haven’t confirmed your guest list yet until you are certain. Don’t make the mistake of sending out save the dates until this is settled. (I made this mistake!) You cannot take back an invitation without seeming incredibly rude.

8. Bridezilla is out of control!

Being engaged is super fun, and I personally have always looked forward to wedding planning. I like planning events so this will just be a bigger version of that. But sometimes I feel guilty for being so into it. It’s become a trend to not really care about your wedding. “I’m just so over it” “I can’t wait till it’s done” have been things I’ve heard lots of my friends say when getting married. I’m not that way. I can’t wait for it to be here. I get to see everyone I love and marry my best friend and get a huge party too!? That sounds awesome! But I am picky about certain things. I think that is the case for most women, we want what we want but we don’t want to be demanding or over the top about it. Does this make me a Bridezilla? No, not necessarily but if I obsess and stress it can easily happen. Try to thinking about the end game and not the details too much. The details won’t be noticed by most people. They will be looking at you and having a good time with the free drinks and food.

So now that all that is off my chest maybe we can all get back to having fun with this wedding business! And remember it’s not all about you, but it certainly isn’t all about them.